"A good priest's wife is half the parish": a story of burnout, partnership, and learning to lead together

Father Oleksandr Tymoshchuk serves in the village of Mykolayivka, Rivne region, as part of the Dubenske deanery of the Rivne eparchy. Over the years, he has traveled to countless events related to his clerical duties — always alone. For the training on "Leadership and Spiritual Ministry in Times of War," organized by NGO “Eleos-Ukraine” in Kyiv, he made a different choice: he brought his wife, Iryna.

"Many times I've gone to training alone. This time I decided we should do this together — as a family matter," he explains. "My wife is a thoughtful, well-read woman with her own views. When we attend something like this together, what we learn becomes part of our family conversation. That's valuable in a way that a solo experience simply isn't."

When the helper runs empty

Iryna Tymoshchuk spent nine years as a schoolteacher in Rivne region. She describes those years with a mixture of warmth and exhaustion. "I gave everything to my work — my time, my personal life, my family responsibilities. I was always available, always present. And then one day I realized: there's nothing left inside. I couldn't give anything more to the children, because I had nothing to give."

She left teaching. The decision wasn't easy, but it was necessary. Since then, Iryna has been intentional about learning how to restore herself — attending training, seeking out communities of thoughtful people, rebuilding her inner resources.

"On training like this one, I find inspiration. I listen to other people's stories — some are sad, some tragic, some surprisingly hopeful. Those stories become guideposts for me. They help me understand what direction to move in, how to act in difficult situations of my own. Being in a room with serious, reflective people genuinely fills me up."

On leadership, limits, and knowing when to stop

For Father Oleksandr, the two days of training prompted real reflection. "We received an enormous amount of information. It needs time to settle — to think through, to identify what is truly useful and applicable to my specific situation and community."

What stayed with him most was the framing of leadership not as a role, but as a form of character. "The qualities we discussed — they're deeply human. A leader must be a self-sufficient, already-formed person, both spiritually and as a human being. And at the same time, be genuinely useful to those around them, without self-interest. These qualities don't always come together easily in one person."

Iryna has her own, more pragmatic take on leadership in a clerical household. "A good priest's wife is half the parish," she says plainly. "I know my husband. He wants to embrace everything, achieve the best possible result in every direction at once. But I understand that he is a person of flesh and blood, with physical and emotional needs alongside spiritual ones. So sometimes I need to slow things down. Sometimes he listens. Sometimes he doesn't." She laughs.

Her point carries weight beyond the personal: parish life is not shaped by the priest alone. "There are other actors who influence a community — who support it, and who sometimes need to provide a check. The priest's family is part of that ecosystem."

Why this matters beyond clergy

Both Iryna and Father Oleksandr leave with the same conviction: programs like this should reach further. "I believe these trainings should be open not just to clergy and their families, but to laypeople as well," says Iryna. "They are also part of the spiritual world. They also struggle with stress, grief, and burnout. A person who doesn't understand what's happening inside them, what they need — no spiritual guide can help them until they are ready to change something themselves. This training creates that readiness."

Father Oleksandr is already familiar with Eleos-Ukraine's broader work: his deanery hosts a Princess Olha shelter supported by the network, and his senior priest is closely involved with the organization. "I've known Father Serhiy Dmytriev's story for a long time," he notes. "This project fits everything Eleos stands for."

They plan to return for more training. Together.

The project "Clergy and Communities in Support of Mental Health: Innovative Support Practices During the War in Ukraine" is implemented by Eleos-Ukraine in partnership with DanChurchAid and Norwegian Church Aid in Ukraine, with financial support from the Government of Norway (NORAD), in cooperation with the Kyiv and Lviv Orthodox Theological Academies.