Fear, Aggression, and Healthy Boundaries: When to Turn to a Psychologist — and When to a Priest
Fear is a normal human emotion. It protects us, warns us of danger, mobilizes us to act, and helps us survive. But there comes a point when fear stops being protective and begins to overwhelm us.
This is the focus of the latest episode of the Let's Talk About podcast on the Eleos-Ukraine YouTube channel.
In the episode, Father Mykhailo Omelyan and psychologist Tetyana Rudenko discuss the signs of acute stress reactions, explain what happens when the mind can no longer cope with overwhelming experiences, and explore when a person should seek help from a psychologist — and when spiritual guidance from a priest may be needed.
"Fear can escalate into panic — causing people to act chaotically, run in the wrong direction, or make irrational decisions. At that point, fear is no longer protecting us; it is causing harm," says Tetyana Rudenko.
Fear is often accompanied by aggression — not because a person is inherently aggressive, but because the nervous system is struggling to cope.
"During an acute stress reaction, people usually do not intend to hurt anyone. Aggression is often the only way their nervous system can release overwhelming tension," explains Tetyana Rudenko. "It's like a kettle that's boiling over and the lid suddenly flies off. That energy has to go somewhere."
The same applies to trembling. Although it may seem alarming, it is actually a natural way for the body to release stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.
Instead of trying to suppress the trembling, Tetyana recommends allowing — or even encouraging — it through simple movements such as shaking the hands or lightly jumping in place.
A Young Woman on a Bench Near St. Michael's Monastery
Father Mykhailo recalls meeting a young woman who was crying alone on a bench after an evening church service. He did not begin with Scripture or a sermon. Instead, he simply asked whether she would like a cup of coffee and invited her to a nearby café.
During their conversation, she revealed that she had come to the monastery overwhelmed by despair and thoughts of harming herself. After spending time talking together, her emotional state gradually changed.
"People can hurt people the most. But people can also help heal people. Sometimes simply paying attention, being present, and letting someone know they are seen and not judged is the greatest gift you can offer," Father Mykhailo says.
Tetyana Rudenko notes that, without realizing it, Father Mykhailo instinctively used a classic psychological technique: gently shifting the person's attention from overwhelming internal distress to the outside world through human connection.
When Should You See a Psychologist, and When a Priest — one of the most common questions they receive is when to seek psychological help and when to turn to a priest.
"If someone is experiencing symptoms such as sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, sudden mood swings, physical manifestations of stress, or thoughts of suicide, they should seek professional mental health care," explains Tetyana Rudenko.
"Psychology helps address these issues. But questions about faith, one's relationship with God, and spiritual meaning belong in the realm of pastoral care."
Father Mykhailo emphasizes that the two forms of support complement one another rather than compete.
"You can seek help from both a psychologist and a priest. There is no contradiction. Having two sources of support is far better than relying on only one."
Healthy Boundaries and Loving Yourself
When asked where the line lies between self-sacrifice and self-neglect, Father Mykhailo points to the Gospel:
"Love your neighbor as yourself. But first, learn to love yourself. If you cannot love yourself, how can you truly love another person?"
Tetyana Rudenko offers a psychological perspective that echoes the same idea.
"We can truly love others only if we understand what love feels like. And we discover that only by accepting ourselves first."
The project "Clergy and Communities in Support of Mental Health: Innovative Support Practices During the War in Ukraine" is implemented by Eleos-Ukraine in partnership with DanChurchAid and Norwegian Church Aid in Ukraine, with financial support from the Government of Norway (NORAD), in cooperation with the Kyiv and Lviv Orthodox Theological Academies.