Saying "Everything Will Be Fine" No Longer Works: A Psychologist and a Priest Explain How to Provide Psychological First Aid
A woman calls in the middle of the night, convinced she is dying. Her chest hurts, and she struggles to breathe during a panic attack. A soldier returns again and again to the memories of a fallen comrade's funeral. After another night of shelling, a mother admits, "I no longer cry — I scream at my children."
These are no longer isolated cases. They have become the daily reality for Ukrainian psychologists, priests, and everyone who supports people living through crisis.
These are the issues explored in the first episode of the Let's Talk About video podcast, published on the Eleos-Ukraine YouTube channel. Father Mykhailo Omelyan and psychologist Tetyana Rudenko discuss what psychological first aid is, who can provide it, and why phrases like "Everything will be fine" often do more harm than good.
Like First Aid — But for the Mind
Tetyana Rudenko explains that psychological first aid relates to mental health in much the same way that first aid relates to physical health.
Just as every Ukrainian should know how to stop severe bleeding, anyone can learn to support a person experiencing an acute stress reaction. It does not require a degree in psychology—only practical skills, empathy, and training.
"All reactions are normal; the events themselves are abnormal. Some reactions people can process on their own, but there are moments when they need another person beside them to help their nervous system regain stability," explains Tetyana Rudenko.
Three Principles: Look, Listen, Guide
Psychological first aid is built around three simple principles.
Look — assess the situation, the person's condition, and the surrounding environment to ensure safety. Someone in crisis often cannot accurately assess danger, so this becomes the helper's responsibility.
Listen — actively, without judgment, advice, or criticism.
"A person in crisis cannot absorb quotations from Scripture or a lecture. First, they need food, water, warmth, safety, and reliable information. Only then is there space for deeper spiritual support," says Tetyana Rudenko.
Guide — connect the person with appropriate support and, when necessary, professional services. Knowing when and where to refer to someone is just as important as being there for them in the moment.
What Not to Say and Why
Both the psychologist and Father Mykhailo agree that two well-intentioned phrases often fail to help: "Everything will be fine" and "Calm down."
The first makes a promise that no one can guarantee. The second asks a person to control a nervous system that is already overwhelmed.
"Never promise something you cannot deliver. If you make a promise, you must be completely certain you can keep it," Tetyana Rudenko emphasizes.
Father Mykhailo draws a parallel with the Gospel:
"Jesus told the widow of Nain, 'Do not weep,' and then raised her son from the dead. We are not Jesus Christ. If we cannot do what He did, we should not make promises we cannot fulfill."
The Good Samaritan as a Model of Psychological First Aid
Father Mykhailo also sees the parable of the Good Samaritan as a powerful illustration of psychological first aid.
The Samaritan made no promises. Instead, he acted. He treated the man's wounds, brought him to safety, provided care, and entrusted him to others who could continue helping him.
"Psychological first aid is not a new concept. It reflects timeless human actions that support a person experiencing overwhelming stress: kindness, presence, practical help, and refusing to leave someone alone in their suffering," says Tetyana Rudenko.
The project "Clergy and Communities in Support of Mental Health: Innovative Support Practices During the War in Ukraine" is implemented by Eleos-Ukraine in partnership with DanChurchAid and Norwegian Church Aid in Ukraine, with financial support from the Government of Norway (NORAD), in cooperation with the Kyiv and Lviv Orthodox Theological Academies.